[FEATURE] THE STUFF OF A BREAKUP
I didn’t really think summer was breakup season. As a single person, summer usually brings couples everywhere I fucking go. Whether it’s laying on each other in the park, sipping coffees outside the cafe, taking shots in the sweaty bars, blah blah blah. It’s a time when people fall in love because the weather’s nice, decide to get in my way while smooching on the sidewalk, and become the object of my evil eye roll. So, when I saw this absolutely amazing moment, I couldn’t help but save it. Here we have THE STUFF OF A BREAKUP (now’s where you press play on Icona Pop’s “I Love It” which is a little overplayed for me, but a seemingly perfect soundtrack for random underwear and a lampshade laying on the side of a city street).
1. The strange, pale brown slop on the apartment building wall, could be puke from a stumbly twenty-something the night before, or the latte that he threw at her when she left. 2. City graffiti. Probably has nothing to do with this actual situation, but let’s think about how someone graffiti’d this wall on purpose, knowing that many people would see it, meaning that it exists somewhere where there are a lot of people, meaning further that there may be witnesses to the end. 3. The lampshade. The thing that softened the lightbulb on a table next to their bed. It isn’t a very interesting lampshade so I don’t think she was around a lot, and he probably spent more time playing video games than trying to make the place look nice. 4. The napkin basket. To me, this particular napkin basket shows that they shared a lot of quick meals at a table together, probably takeout. 5. There’s a book under here that might be difficult for you to see. Its title is half-covered by two different trash bags, partly covered by a shoe, and laying under a small photo that’s printed on a much larger piece of paper (which I can’t wait to tell you about – skip to #11 if you can’t wait). Anyway, this is the part of the book title you can read “???HE MO?T ???EANINGLES? TOA??” Anybody know what that is? 6. The dish towel that had never been used. Again, I say, takeout. 7. One of the two olive green TOMS shoes laying in the rubble of broken picket fence dreams, lies, and bad sex – probably hers because they’re too small to be his, but I think he bought them for her and she threw them in his face. 8. THE BOXES OF ARTICHOKE HEARTS. Lawd, do these make me LOL. Why are there so many? Two are visible, but a third is half visible leaving a strange trail of BOXES OF ARTICHOKE HEARTS. WHY!!! I’m still trying to figure it out, but I like to imagine that all of this was thrown out of a window and after he and she went down to fight over whose shit was whose, screamed and yelled, broke up and walked away, a neighbor above contributed to the mess by discarding his box of artichoke hearts (used to make a dip for a party, obvi) into the pile. 9. The plastic spoon and the Q-tip. I’d rather not think about the Q-Tip, so the lonely plastic spoon must have been thrown over the shoulder of a fro-yo eating innocent bystander caught in the struggle. 10. The Mucinex has to mean that either he or she were sick a lot. I’d like to assume it was the guy. I think he probably had allergies and was too poor/lazy to get the real stuff. 11. Ah yes, the small photo that’s printed on a much larger piece of paper. This could only be THE reason they broke up. Clearly she found something that proved he was a total idiot, showed it to him, and that was that. 12. The strange brush that was meant to clean something that never did. At some point she probably told him to get off his lazy ass and clean the house. He probably said he would as he hit some sort of combination of A+X and then, never cleaned the house. 13. The “I Voted Today” sticker only tells me that one of them voted and the other didn’t, that they never dusted the picture frame, and that the voter was in a hurry to stick the damn thing somewhere (probably the nearest object). 14. The picture frame itself is difficult because there is no glass in it. Was I wrong about the small photo that’s printed on a much larger piece of paper? Was that what lived in the picture frame as a symbol of their future dreams together which wasn’t covered by glass to it could be changed on the reg? No. The small photo that’s printed on a much larger piece of paper HAS to be the reason they broke up (please?). 15. One of three pairs of women’s underwear strewn about the scene. Either she threw them in his face because they weren’t hers and she found them in his secret drawer, or he threw them at her and said good luck fucking anyone again.
What do you think?